Friday, May 17, 2013

Change

     I am moving to the Bay Area tomorrow. I've been in LA for 9-1/2 of the best years of my life and am leaving with a very heavy heart. A new job opportunity awaits. New friendships, a new home, new experiences. All lie ahead for me and for Peter, who has been supportive and encouraging from day 1.
     Day 1, as it were, was the day I was laid off  from my position I held for 7-1/2 years back in March. I'm not privy to all the details, but I was told that corporate told my managing principal to lay off one of the PM's due to the financial performance of the LA office. My theory is that I was the last of the PM's that was with the company prior to my supervisor starting. Everyone since who held a lateral position was brought in by her, and it boiled down to a loyalty thing. I immediately updated my resume and figuratively hit the pavement. I shot my resume off to several listings I found on Architectural websites. I got a few nibbles and in a months time I had 3 job offers. In this economy I am completely blessed in this matter and I am completely grateful for the decisions I had to make.
     One offer was from a firm in LA. One from Dallas (a firm that had approached me prior to my layoff. I had no interest in moving back to Texas but Peter encouraged me to follow through and see what happened). The third offer was from a firm in San Francisco I applied to on a whim. The LA offer was roughly the same money I had been making but shittier benefits, and boring clients. The Dallas job was more money (and a much lower cost of living along with no state income tax), and more responsibility at a larger international firm. The San Francisco offer was slightly more than Dallas for a boutique firm that garners a lot of press and accolades, and was chosen as firm of the year 2010 in Contract Magazine. Crunching the numbers with Peter, Dallas made the most sense and I accepted that position, and regretfully turned down SF. SF the very same day came back and offered me 10 grand more, plus a few other incentives, and made it impossible to say no. With some re-thinking and re-number crunching, we chose San Francisco.
     When that choice was made I think I breathed a sigh of relief. I breathed this sigh because we were staying in California. We would only be 300 some odd miles from LA where I have created this life that I never thought I would have...from the friends I never thought I would have. Friends who support me, love me, and let me love them. Friends who don't want to see me go but promise to visit. Whether they do or not, the intention is there, and that's more than I've had in my life from any friends with a few exceptions. I've never felt so much like I belong in my own life as I have here, and that's a tough thing to leave.
     With Facebook and other social media, texting, skype and everything else, it'll be easy to stay better connected and I pray that I am able to maintain my friendships in LA while at the same time fostering new ones (and some existing ones) in San Francisco where I will be working and in Oakland where I will be living.
      I've been a bit sad of late knowing I have been seeing certain friends for the last time in LA and probably for a little while until one of us travels to the other. Sad saying goodbye, or see you later. Sad feeling the long lingering hugs at the end of the night where either I or they did not want to let go.  I feel loved, and that is a priceless feeling. My friends love me. and I love them. imagine that.
     San Francisco awaits. I leave in the morning. I come back next weekend to help Peter continue to pack over the long weekend, and then that will be that.

A new  chapter begins.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Back to the Future

Time to blog again.

     I'm sitting here in the Reno Tahoe Airport with some time to kill before coming back to LA from a short work trip, and I was reading through my emails. One of the more recent ones is my itinerary to fly to Dallas in a few weeks. An opportunity has fallen in my lap for career and financial advancement that would involve a relocation to Dallas, hence the itinerary. They are flying me in for the day to interview face-to-face after a successful phone interview.
     There is LOTS to think about with this. My list so far is:
1. Would this be a good move for my career?
2. Would this be a good move for Peter?
3. Am I willing to go back to Dallas?
4. What about my friends/life in LA?
5. How easy would it be to come back to LA if it sucked?
6. What if Peter hates it there?
7. What if I hate it there?

GRRR! My mind won't shut up about it. I lived in Dallas from 93-04, so I could live there yes. Peter has never, and isn't enthusiastic about it but is willing to look at it for both my career, but also for us and if it would improve life for us, and in a year or 2, perhaps reexamine and see what it looks like and whether we want to stay or come back to LA.

I have a lot of demons in Dallas. It's where I had my last relationship. It's where I did a lot of damage. I would definitely have to confront some issues that I carry with me. That could actually turn out to be a good thing, but not something I am looking forward to. There are some financial amends, personal ones too, that would definitely need to be addressed finally.

Peter's career is primarily virtual so he can work from anywhere which is good. But if there is any in-person things, it's always been in LA or NY, so Big D isn't exactly convenient, but that's his part to consider before making any kind of decision together.... and it would be together. His life would change completely. Mine would as well yes, but I would be walking into a familiar city with a job lined up. He'd be walking into an unfamiliar city with the need to dig up some work remotely and possibly locally if it exists there for him.

I think I am afraid of opening old wounds. Afraid of seeing old places that don't have a warm place in my heart. There are some people in Dallas that I would not want to see. However there are plenty there that I would. I'm afraid of causing harm to my partners career. I'm afraid that I will be giving up a job that has been very good to me, and a city that has been very good to me filled with people that have been very good to me for a place that is filled with bad memories.

Those bad memories need to be laid to rest. It's been over 8 years since leaving and I still carry many emotions about that time in my life. Perhaps going back would help. Perhaps it would hurt...

God this is a lot to think about, and I don't even have an offer on the table...yet.