Back to the Future

Time to blog again.

     I'm sitting here in the Reno Tahoe Airport with some time to kill before coming back to LA from a short work trip, and I was reading through my emails. One of the more recent ones is my itinerary to fly to Dallas in a few weeks. An opportunity has fallen in my lap for career and financial advancement that would involve a relocation to Dallas, hence the itinerary. They are flying me in for the day to interview face-to-face after a successful phone interview.
     There is LOTS to think about with this. My list so far is:
1. Would this be a good move for my career?
2. Would this be a good move for Peter?
3. Am I willing to go back to Dallas?
4. What about my friends/life in LA?
5. How easy would it be to come back to LA if it sucked?
6. What if Peter hates it there?
7. What if I hate it there?

GRRR! My mind won't shut up about it. I lived in Dallas from 93-04, so I could live there yes. Peter has never, and isn't enthusiastic about it but is willing to look at it for both my career, but also for us and if it would improve life for us, and in a year or 2, perhaps reexamine and see what it looks like and whether we want to stay or come back to LA.

I have a lot of demons in Dallas. It's where I had my last relationship. It's where I did a lot of damage. I would definitely have to confront some issues that I carry with me. That could actually turn out to be a good thing, but not something I am looking forward to. There are some financial amends, personal ones too, that would definitely need to be addressed finally.

Peter's career is primarily virtual so he can work from anywhere which is good. But if there is any in-person things, it's always been in LA or NY, so Big D isn't exactly convenient, but that's his part to consider before making any kind of decision together.... and it would be together. His life would change completely. Mine would as well yes, but I would be walking into a familiar city with a job lined up. He'd be walking into an unfamiliar city with the need to dig up some work remotely and possibly locally if it exists there for him.

I think I am afraid of opening old wounds. Afraid of seeing old places that don't have a warm place in my heart. There are some people in Dallas that I would not want to see. However there are plenty there that I would. I'm afraid of causing harm to my partners career. I'm afraid that I will be giving up a job that has been very good to me, and a city that has been very good to me filled with people that have been very good to me for a place that is filled with bad memories.

Those bad memories need to be laid to rest. It's been over 8 years since leaving and I still carry many emotions about that time in my life. Perhaps going back would help. Perhaps it would hurt...

God this is a lot to think about, and I don't even have an offer on the table...yet.