Tattoos

People always seem to ask me what my tattoos mean so here goes:


My dead ex of blog post #1 had a tattoo below his belly button that he got to symbolize conquering fears. I have this weird illogical thing about knives, he had this weird illogical thing about spiders. We both figured it was a past life thing. Anyway, after he died and I was still having euphoric recall (that ended quickly after I stopped drinking), I decided to commemorate him with my first tattoo since he had such an impact on my life. I liked the concept of his tattoo, but wasn't all that keen on the placement, so I got a similar one on my left arm. I lived with it for a year and decided then that it just didn't feel complete. So I went to a different artist and he came up with the surrounding flowers/web idea, fitting as it was meant to be a tribute to someone, but not overtly so. He surrounded the dagger and spider with 4 black roses and a red spider web, giving the first tattoo a frame of sorts.

I waited another year and decided that I wanted something nodding to my Irish heritage, but not a cheesy Celtic cross or some crap like that. I wanted script. I started thinking that my  first tattoo was symbolic of fear. So what should I get? Fearless?  That didn't seem quite right. My partner Peter said "Courage" because it is acting despite your fears, living with them and acting anyway. Not being fearless, because no one is fearless. We all have fear, and it takes courage to act despite the fear. So combining "Courage" with script in Gaelic, i got the tattoo on my inner bicep that reads "misneach", Gaelic for "courage".

The next tattoo on my right shoulder I wanted to be something of a nod to where I grew up in Bucks County , Pennsylvania. I remembered as a kid we had a Pennsylvania Dutch hex sign in our basement, and would see them around the rural areas here and there. I decided to research a little and look at various designs...Most involved roosters, bundles of grain and things like that meant to encourage an abundant harvest. Eventually I stumbled on one that was two-fold. It was meant to ward off evil spirits and invoke prosperity. I took it to my  tattoo artist and he stylized it slightly, but it basically looks like the image I originally found. No evil so far. I'm working on the prosperity part.
My most recent tattoo is the skull and additional flowers on my lefty shoulder above the spider/dagger/web/flower combo I had for a while. Wanting to keep with the theme on my left arm of fears I want to face head on, death seemed like a biggie. Also, my partner Peter has a real love of the Mexican holiday Day of the Dead and has several tattoos of skulls and skeletons already. Again I had the idea to combine these 2 elements into the skull, as a nod to Peter, the one I'm with and love, and also as a way to own my fear of death and not be ruled by it. I could have gotten "Peter" written somewhere on me, but then we probably would have broken up a month later. That's the rule of name tattoos. Get one if you want to end a relationship. ;-)

So that's the summary of what my tattoos mean, and how I chose to get each one. I'm not sure when or if I will get another. My right shoulder where the hex sign is feels a little naked, so if I get one, I will probably add to this area. Note sure yet. I do know that each tattoo has revealed itself as the one I should get next. Each one was  clear. There wasn't a question or a wonder. It was a definite. That's probably why I still love each one, and why the next should hold meaning to me as much as the previous. I like that they mean something to me, but don't scream it out to the world when others see them.  They are for me. Not for you. And I love them.

-CL